Jack Van Impe attempts to predict the apocalypse for 50th straight year
What a rotted old bastard. He's done it again, at least according to Wikipedia, which is a reliable source in any modern man's world.
In 2001, Jack Van Impe Ministries "won" the parodic Ig Nobel Prize in Astrophysics for its assertion that "black holes fulfill all the technical requirements to be the location of Hell."
What the technical requirements are, leave it to me to research.
On another note (related), he (JVM) also grew up playing the accordion, so we should be able to infer some information from that fact alone. In relation to the black hole-to-hell theory, it starts to become clear. More clear, at least, than his 10 year lead-up to the year 2000, which coincidentally coincided with my hay-day of watching Jack abuse Rexella mentally on live camera every Sunday night. Some how, I eventually believed her to be the impending robot doom that Jack predicted and I began to freely associate the buzzing resulting from the poor studio audio with the Christ Child. I then had a deep religious experience and fled my community. Look at me now Jack, I DID turn out as you predicted. Shit.
Now, I apologize, but I must leave. I must get myself straight with some key individuals now in order to avoid double-knee replacement, which is exactly what Jack had in 2006. Thank god for a lucky operation and Jack's increased mobility since. I only hope my fortunes are so good.
In 2001, Jack Van Impe Ministries "won" the parodic Ig Nobel Prize in Astrophysics for its assertion that "black holes fulfill all the technical requirements to be the location of Hell."
What the technical requirements are, leave it to me to research.
On another note (related), he (JVM) also grew up playing the accordion, so we should be able to infer some information from that fact alone. In relation to the black hole-to-hell theory, it starts to become clear. More clear, at least, than his 10 year lead-up to the year 2000, which coincidentally coincided with my hay-day of watching Jack abuse Rexella mentally on live camera every Sunday night. Some how, I eventually believed her to be the impending robot doom that Jack predicted and I began to freely associate the buzzing resulting from the poor studio audio with the Christ Child. I then had a deep religious experience and fled my community. Look at me now Jack, I DID turn out as you predicted. Shit.
Now, I apologize, but I must leave. I must get myself straight with some key individuals now in order to avoid double-knee replacement, which is exactly what Jack had in 2006. Thank god for a lucky operation and Jack's increased mobility since. I only hope my fortunes are so good.
posted by fiestawizard at 8:46 PM
2 Comments:
Almost nothing gets BORT to comment (a month late) like a JVI Ministries post.
Please, I implore you, fiestawizard, find -- and post here -- a link to his original thesis (black holes = hell in a handbasket).
Also, I think the criteria for winning an Ig Noble has increased. The Medicine Ig Noble in 2008 went to the authors of a landmark paper on the Side Effects of Sword-Swallowing.
Sorry, I rarely check to see that any comments have been input, let alone respond to them. Thus my response to your plea to post the actual thesis is, "nope."
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