Friday, September 24, 2010

Captain Conquest's Forest Lair

Speaking of the big-box business plan, am I the only one who no longer shops at Menard's? John Menard is the richest man in Wisconsin, and even richer than old man Macy in terms of 2010 dollars, whatever that means. I don't know what it means because I made it up just now, the part about old man Macy. It just sounded right I guess. Either way, John Menard is filthy rich, and built his empire of hardware/lumber/cheap shit stores on a greasy, gear-grinding machine built cruelly on the backs of millions of people. Quoting himself, "It's a game, and I'm winning." He's sued former employees for all sorts of shit, mostly because they've violated contractual obligations that inflict pain and conflict with all aspects of real life and nearly bind people to death after Menards. To note, it's not a publicly traded company, which is the number one reason he's filthy fucking rich.

This story alone is a lame duck in the blogosphere. I often times misuse phrases. Sometimes they just sound right. Then I have to explain: these stories will be hot issues (a la Justin Bieber) for quite a long time, but they're becoming so common that they have little effect on my emotions. I've become desensitized. The only interesting part remaining is the dialogue that results from any media source printing lists of "richest individuals." The dialogue is almost always centered politically, and is decisively partisan. "He's a greedy bastard and the scourge of mankind." Or, on the other hand, "He should be commended for starting from nothing and building his empire." Some truth lies in both perhaps. I urge everyone to think about this: would we be better or worse off if the John Menards were not born? Some people say better, due to the tired claim about the jobs and the wealth that he's created. His tax bill, by some accounts, is the largest of any one individual. I should think we're worse off though, without any questions asked. John Menard produced jobs, no doubt, but is it wrong to assume that if Menards didn't exist, then other people would sell the same yard knick-knacks and ointment that Menards always seems to have at the checkout counters? A novel idea indeed. Maybe we'd even assume that some guy named Hot Sauce would open his own smaller store and employ a dozen or so people (in a more personal environment even, that might (oh no) empower people). Then we could assume that since people (generally) would purchase the same number of items regardless of whether or not Menards exists, that more Hot Sauce's would open up business, and soon an equivalent number of employees that now work at Menards would hold similar, perhaps better jobs? Alas, this is perfectly plausible, and was the market that was present prior to the big-box era. Then, instead of having one man with $5.2, we might have 600 people with $500,000. 5.2 billion divided by 600 is not 500,000, as you might note. That's right motherfuckers, I'm suggesting a redistribution of wealth. If they wouldn't have called you pink for saying, or even thinking it, you might not be shaking your head. Boy, if I weren't such a commie the government wouldn't be monitoring my blog. Thanks government, and John Menard*, you egotistical bastard. You're my only two readers. By the way, I didn't even suggest banning the church or building concrete gray housing units.

*John Menard was notorious for paranoid monitoring of his employees, firing many based on baseless theories that they were somehow stealing from stores. I've stolen nothing from you, so please leave me alone. Also, once we bought a Christmas tree and some leaden decorations. Thank you.

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