School Days, Fool Days, Colorful Golden Shower Days
Oh boy... school days, school days. Today I proceeded to get shot down for getting into the research mix by several professors. Professional professors that is, that know a thing or two about a thing or two. I'm not sure if the rejection stems from my lack of professional appeal, my general scent, or my inability to read. Either way, I may be stuck teaching college physics for a good percentage of my life... it's all part of the march to the grave, as ufoid has said. At this point, I really don't care what I will research- bricks, ropes, lava, cat mucus, dangerous pits, all things I've been so fond of in the past. The other students that have positions, yes, they look down upon me as if to say, "Barnes, you ain't got shit motherfucker." I know assholes, I know. What I do have is a new 27" Sony TV! So fuck off. Nah, actually I don't, and really that's not that great anyway. Maybe the whole thing is due to my previously spoken of incongruence with the other departmenters. I fear their banality right now; almost in some instances as much as that fat fucker Klassen. Ha, kidding again... nobody was as mindless as that shit for brains. I might call his mom like I've been threatening for the last couple of years. In any case, "... lack of funds..." gets old real fast. I guess it's true, and maybe I have nobody to blame but the government... again. Speaking of which, they just shot down the TAA's contract resolution offer. We said that we would take nothing- we get no raises, we pay no health, nothing changes (technically we lose, due to inflation and such). They came back to the table and said, "how about we give you nothing, and we make you pay for health insurance from January 2004 to forever?" Last spring they had offered the union pay increases of $1 million total (for all employees), of which they now claim is gone (went to fund North Woods Dungeon Terrorist Fun Camp). So, I guess that's a good deal. They will now lead us to a quiet room on the capital hill, pull our pants down, and do as desired, and repeat as desired. I am slanderous, and maybe the professors have heard about this and are trying to oust me. Please, someone come up with a grand conspiracy theory, please.
posted by fiestawizard at 7:19 PM
2 Comments:
Later, when you go on strike, they will then offer you the research positions you seek. Because your job will then be done; your mission accomplished.
Will you then turn your research mind towards concepts of inertia and spin? Or torsion? Perhaps you will research stroeloes, borkins, or teap. Your papers will become the foundation of a new viewpoint known to those in your inner circle -- your followers and apprentices -- as "Z-driven Quadrocentrism," aka ZD. In time, the ZD will be taken from the theoretical framework that you built up, into a massive computer system called "Skynet." It's all downhill from there, until you travel forward in time and re-interpret your original data for them; this leads to the creation of "The Matrix." No matter what you do, ZD = the end of the world. Sorry. Or, congratulations, I suppose.
Now... the alternate path, remaining a physics TA until you die at age 79, is a romantic one, and less tedious than developing ZD theory will be. This path allows you the free time to develop a serum that keeps your dog alive forever; that's the upshot. The downside is that you grow man-tits in this scenario.
There may be a third path, which can only be viewed if you have the proper software installed.
In the meantime... bend over and take it like a man. And if it makes you feel better, I get rejected for lots of things, every day. It never stops me (for long)!
The scenarios are intriguing. I would like to develop ZD or some such principle that would gain a cult following. I'm not totally against growing the man tits if my dog lives forever. Surely, either way, my ticket to fame lies in your hands.
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