The Ted Nugent Death Machine (made in Saskatoon)

Ted Nugent becomes your father. Imagine it. He's a quick thinker with a deep philosophical edge that will become part of yourself. He plays a mean guitar and can kill any given creature and steal their sacred spirit. Afterwords, he'll shake your hand and offer you partial credit. Unfortunately, we can't all experience these top-level items. Ted Nugent was previously the pseudo father of Tommy Shaw back in the Damn Yankees day (Shaw's previous father was a tiny, angry, spongy flesh ball). Now he has become the well-groomed father of Sebastian Bach; your hometown favorite. Bach was clearly in need of a dad, and old Ted was just the man to step it up and caress that young boy and hold him tightly against his denim vest. Then, just like any good father, Ted threatened violence if his son turns to the booze again. Ted hates when the youth have gone wild. S.B. never asked for anything more besides a friendly game of frisbee and a barbecue, but now he has it.

Has everyone heard about the anti-flag wrecking bill AMENDMENT that's being discussed at the national level. That's fucking great, just as I put in a huge order for 6000 US flags to use as the winter's fuel. Oh well, guess I'll just use the old Confederate flags I have... although they don't come to me soaked in kerosene. Disbelief. I really can't believe that an actual amendment to our constitution might ban desecration. What next, are they gonna ban grave desecration? I doubt they'll ever stop me from pissing on Chris Farley's grave, which is close to my own home. Actually, that happened too much, before I ever lived here, so the family moved the grave. Back to the flag topic- we pay elected officials to make this rule. Do you recall anybody officially selling their platform with this shit? Hmmm. One thing's for sure, they can't check my house for a large pot of hot oil, a shard of glass, and brass knuckles; all of which I plan to use on that poor flag of mine. If I don't beat that bitch, she'll think she can do whatever she wants. I suggest a general slapping around of your own flag a bit prior to the amendment getting through.

So what else? Well, not much. I went to the public pool yesterday where they have a giant sandbox with water faucets available for unlimited use. Needless to say, I made several canals and connected them. I was finally able to use as much water as I wanted in the sand area, which was not "allowed" for me as an irresponsible child. I flooded the whole place and convinced some younger children to assist with the canal project. They enjoyed it, but it appeared that I was frightening some parents so I got out of there.

I'm finishing up the cult presentation, so get ready. I have many diagrams, graphs and charts. They are there to make you happy, so enjoy them. More on that soon...