The Number of the Feast
So what are you up to now? I'm interested to hear about all of it. I heard that you were having a little trouble with Old Man Weedle, and ahh shit, who doesn't. Don't let it get to you. He's a hapless critter with less sense than a half-headed cancerous goat.
Here's the good news from this corner of Eternia. I have obtained several months supply of energon cubes from Zach Morris in a barter for my famous oatmeal crammed cream muffins (with or without cough drop dust topping). As it turns out, energon has a long history. I couldn't have even guessed, but my notes indicate that the resource is hightly sought after. So, what I'm getting at is that my notes are extensive, and will soon be brought to you (including important factors and methodology). You see, my reports have finally been finished, in strong form. Check it out here. Read it all fucker, don't "take shortcuts." I'm starting off the end of week festivities by listening to Rush's "The Camera Eye," which comes from the EP Moving Pictures, which isn't even close to my favorite Rush album. This will be followed by taking my shirt off with some sort of aggressive attitude and listening to Cyclone's Brutal Destruction, which seems to be some mid-eighties German metal band. You know, the sort of band that has their picture on the back of the album standing near some broken shit and a rail car in black and white. Leather jackets, denim... and one guy with a nice sweater who looks like a guy named Neil, complete with thin mustache and long, wispy hair (explains the last song, "Incest Love." Hopefully just a bad translation... for their sake). Shit man, once I had a mustache. Who was I then? I'm not sure, but I liked my direction at the time. Let's take a short nostalgic trip down old-times lane. Stage 1 - I had a nice beard. Then we transformed into something special. By strange coincidence, today I received my last semester's student's evaluations. One suggestion on how I could improve my teaching: by growing a beard. I underestimated those students in their prophetic ability. They were certainly right... or so I thought right up until I got the "itch neck," or scientifically, "dirty beard," or correctly, "facial crabs and/or lice."
That leads me to my final point: I can finally stop wasting blog space with Beckstrom bullshit. She's done, and you should read her last spewing at badgerherald.com. When I shaved my beard, I sent it to her in a flowery envelope. Now we love each other.
Now I'm going to drop some benadryl, drink some whisky, and have a review session for the kids to enjoy.
Here's the good news from this corner of Eternia. I have obtained several months supply of energon cubes from Zach Morris in a barter for my famous oatmeal crammed cream muffins (with or without cough drop dust topping). As it turns out, energon has a long history. I couldn't have even guessed, but my notes indicate that the resource is hightly sought after. So, what I'm getting at is that my notes are extensive, and will soon be brought to you (including important factors and methodology). You see, my reports have finally been finished, in strong form. Check it out here. Read it all fucker, don't "take shortcuts." I'm starting off the end of week festivities by listening to Rush's "The Camera Eye," which comes from the EP Moving Pictures, which isn't even close to my favorite Rush album. This will be followed by taking my shirt off with some sort of aggressive attitude and listening to Cyclone's Brutal Destruction, which seems to be some mid-eighties German metal band. You know, the sort of band that has their picture on the back of the album standing near some broken shit and a rail car in black and white. Leather jackets, denim... and one guy with a nice sweater who looks like a guy named Neil, complete with thin mustache and long, wispy hair (explains the last song, "Incest Love." Hopefully just a bad translation... for their sake). Shit man, once I had a mustache. Who was I then? I'm not sure, but I liked my direction at the time. Let's take a short nostalgic trip down old-times lane. Stage 1 - I had a nice beard. Then we transformed into something special. By strange coincidence, today I received my last semester's student's evaluations. One suggestion on how I could improve my teaching: by growing a beard. I underestimated those students in their prophetic ability. They were certainly right... or so I thought right up until I got the "itch neck," or scientifically, "dirty beard," or correctly, "facial crabs and/or lice."
That leads me to my final point: I can finally stop wasting blog space with Beckstrom bullshit. She's done, and you should read her last spewing at badgerherald.com. When I shaved my beard, I sent it to her in a flowery envelope. Now we love each other.
Now I'm going to drop some benadryl, drink some whisky, and have a review session for the kids to enjoy.
posted by fiestawizard at 11:07 AM
3 Comments:
a real cornucopia of topics!
i don't know which article made less sense to an idiot like me: energon or concrete fracture analysis. i think the energon one made less sense, in part because deep down we all know that energon is fictional (probably), yet pages of info and painstakingly selected links are devoted to understanding its intricate properties. i'm pretty sure that i can write a more accurate article right here:
"Energon was created in 1985 as a plot device{link] for a cartoon show devised to sell transforming robots{link}. Its physical properties vary widely depending on the needs of a given plotline or a given episode's writer. It is not real{link}."
Beckstrom's last article was touching... meaning, I touched myself as I read it. Does that make her feel dirty, even though she's far away and doesn't know me (aside from the telepathy)? Reminds me, there was an article in the may 5th MN Daily (front page!) about a new student interest group... no doubt funded by student services fees... that is called like the Adult Film Watchers group. Yep.
Your article, on the other hand, hooked me initially, then became a daunting nightmare of math which necessitated "skimming." I came back for the end, though. Overall, I understood the paper as a metaphor for life itself; we can all "crack" under pressure, but how much, and why? What can we do to make ourselves stronger? Can we make certain assumptions about ourselves and what makes us who we are, or should we be more realistic -- at the cost of perhaps less understanding? Do I have parts of me that are more "plastic" and flexible than even I realize? Can these forces even be measured? Can I swallow several ounces of fiber to reinforce myself every day?
Yes.
I was definitely hoping for more pictures of stressed concrete however, and your points have been deducted to reflect that.
Now, as far as your beard goes (or went), it's true: it was special, as was the handlebar (gay biker special... or incest love, indeed). Your students are perceptive and want what's best for you. As far as the itching goes, you just need a fine conditioning product, like Aveda's Soothing Grad Student Beard Elixir Wash (smells like hops!). I hope they liked your drugged-up review session, anyway.
Well, thanks for all of the long-promised and long-asked-for links. I enjoy!
Thanks for taking it all in. Mostly, it all came back to energy analyses and such, and I'm glad that you saw that directly.
I wish this was a simple set of formulae to combine my beard, the Adult Film Watchers Club, and Beckstrom, but I just don't think that's possible. The energy actually (theoretically) goes to infinity in that situation; the end of the universe as we know it.
I have some pretty good information coming up in the next few days, and I have some nostalgic feelings for Transformers and other things that need to be expressed. As a preview (I can't keep that aggressive cat in the bag, not unless its got plastic claw protectors): "What ever happened to... (all those people that went to North Dakota's "Governor's School)?" Turns out, there's some interesting information there. You'll have to wait to see what my research turned up.
Amazing, if only this post accompanied my previous post on fake degree bullshit. More on that later.
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