Boycott the oil boycott!

I don't think I need to repeat what you've already had rammed down your soft ear shaft for the past month - gas prices are out of fucking control. But, I'd like to respond, in defense of the oil industry and creationists, that the fossil fuels were placed in various key areas somewhere around 7000 years ago, just after the beginning of time. Now, not surprisingly, they weren't placed there as general land fillers (as if to say, "there is no other material to throw in that spot," said the creator). No, these energy giving corpuscles were placed there for our continual use, even though some insist that they are non-renewable. I beg to differ with that, afterall, scientists and the like continually find new sources, and it is likely that old ones are replenished. We simply haven't checked back yet. If we do, for some reason, burn up all that we know of today, it is certain that old reserves will immediately be replenished. Only certain, specific, prayer sessions (and a god-antenna) will be required. Excellent, you're thinking about going to church this weekend. To dispell another common myth, that the burning of fuels creates CO_2 which increases global warming, let me urge you to consider Jesus' ultimate plan: allow enough oil for everyone to last until the end of time. In other words, if oil does run out or we turn our planet into a greenhouse, like some simpleton scientists theorize, then the end of the world will be at hand anyway, thus rendering any large reserves of oil or air unusable (due to the end of times). So, just like some Christians view large-scale nuclear war as a necessity in bringing the anti-christ to Terra and subsequently causing the rebirth of Christ (a good thing), some other like-minded and logical folk believe that the oil reserve is our hourglass. Although some nobodys call this self-fulfilling prophecy and the like (a justification for your suicide even!), this makes perfect sense because a) Jesus would come after the destruction of man to help out, and b) Jesus would likely determine when we parish anyway, one easy way for him to keep track of time is to have a certain limited supply of life-giving fuel. Also, as an added artistic and perhaps insulting monument to heretics those who doubt ,somebody has built an oil can tower to the sky. The tower is nearly complete.

Yes, my arguments are compelling, and you should take a long, hard look at yourself and come to terms with reality if you doubt me. But I doubt you can even do that since you're too busy composting and using batteries.



http://www.realnd.com/images/casseltoncanpilepano.jpg