Jared Millbanks' Life Dynamics Program

While some people were predicting massive flooding, lawlessness, earthquakes and hellish firestorms per Harold Camping's false rapture prediction on May 21st, other people were predicting that a new life building program will rise out of the ashes. Those predicting the latter have reached a paradise of sorts. Their personal Jesus, Jared Millbanks, took it upon himself to say, "Believe me, it works," in reference to his new life building board game/life program. Just days earlier he had been scraping paint residue off of city benches, thinking to himself, "If the world doesn't end on May 21st, my plan will be activated and become a general success." And indeed it was. In fact, it went to the top of the charts. Life building and coaching, quite obviously, is going to be on the upswing, as it usually is, immediately after a false rapture. People need guidance. Frankly, they need reassurance and personal management. Jared knew this, and was there in a big way to help. Asked for his thoughts on the human condition, Jared said, "Good." And yes, for him it was good. People were off the rails of steel, riding out of control on the unkempt roads of life. Generally, their human condition was one of poorly developed convictions, depression, and loss of self-confidence; due in large part to lack of direction and scary prophecies of general world longevity and happiness. So, it follows (and Jared knew this), end-times prediction was keeping people on the straight and narrow. It was a final solution. The believers could throw their lives into a small basket of hope and wait to see the destruction cometh: the end of a job, moving away from your ex-spouse, completing your education, finishing a good sandwich - the finality keeps you focused. Leave it all behind at the day's end, like a guilty "last-time" homosexual encounter. This makes people most comfortable.

Jared Millbanks, in his soft and wise voice, says "Keep your chin up. You're doing just fine. Your kids like you. You are a valuable asset and such. You have the ability to succeed, etc." This costs $150 and you already know it's worth it. Live on my friend, live on.