Subroutine 5(a) realized

As a freshly initiated member of the city raquetball club I am pleased to inform you that you have will have your tournament title stripped and destroyed. Your claimed innocence in nothing short of a sham, and your raquetball abilities are nothing short of trumped up. Good luck in future endeavors.

As a new champion, I have been let in on the secret of the club's runnings and the inner political workings of deceipt. I was told, "Keep your shoes available, keep them as your own, let them work without hesitation." Okay. The soles I purchased are said to last 200 years, even with constant use. Two acquaintances at the club told me that they once were subject to multiple molestations on a rival club's court. I didn't hesistate to use my "willpower" in the proper way to molest the attackers in a six hour match. Again, good luck to you later.