Latter Day Saint Sale

Yesterday I recovered important information buried deep within the hillside of two young men, just as Joseph Smith had done some 150 years ago. The mormon missionaries saw me as an easy target, and rightfully so due to my unkempt hair and snot encrusted face. I invited them into a certain building, out of the elements that God proclaimed, "shall be," on that day. Of course, I had heard the story of a special latter day saint, Joseph Smith, before, but I played dumb to get the unbiased story. It turns out to be the same as Trey Parker and Matt Stone's story. I spoke with them for nearly ninety minutes on various religious topics only to discover that my own baptism was invalid. I said I didn't care anyway, and no, I don't really want to believe in your prophet. After discussing various social issues and their relation to religion, the conversation basically ended with them saying, "It's all true because we read the Mormon bible and know it to be true." I guess you can't argue with that, but you might be able to gain some ground by talking about polygamy, which, as they told me, was explained to Joe S. to be necessary, then later was canceled (by the government too, as I suggested). The conversation eventually just came down to this: I'm problaby not joining your cult because I already am pretty involved in one and also your cult has a bunch of assholes for leaders, whereas mine is made up of nice folks. I asked them to reconsider things (not eliminate their beliefs), before setting up life plans to fear themselves right into the promise land. I told the same thing to Jake S. this week. I am a false prophet, please don't worship me.

"If someone is gay it doesn't mean God doesn't love them, it just means they have some stuff to work on."

I guess I say the same about bullshit prophet stories and the Mormons that believe them- just a problem they have to work on. Upon disembarking from the mission, I offered those boys hard liquor in a Sprite bottle and told them to meet me at the local "men's club" for some further discussion.

Now for the important part. Here is the educational lesson of the day that I created just for you- wrap the lesson around your religious beliefs and let science and religion settle their longtime score.