Omicron Ultimate: The nemesis of you know who
If you guessed Megatron or Skeletor, unfortunately, no small prizes are in your future. However, if you guessed Omega Supreme (said with booming, echoing voice) you win one free helicopter ride and a fig newton (generic brand). Omicron Ultimate, the recently well-documented enemy of Omega Supreme, was the Decepticons highly guarded secret. Until, that is, a few days ago, when I swung by the Koss national headquarters on Port Washington road, next to the Home Depot and the factory with the broken windows, and saw, through the window, a sight that nearly made me faint with fear and elation at the same time, and will make me piss myself come Christmas Day: three men working together to convert the largest robot in history from underground missile launching hell machine silo (with laser radar) to teleportation shuttle: Omicron Ultimate. That's what all of their T-shirts said anyway, "Team Omicron Ultimate - when you want to win, you shoot for the stars." I proceeded to knock on the window and then run off. I went home and put a few notes together while trying to keep myself together. I also scoured old notes and prophecies that I had made about this day.
I received a call later that night whilst in bed. Without thought (which I lack after sleeping off several mountain shakers and a twelver of these fuckers.) I dismissed the caller as a debt collector for Mrs. Gholson or a teacher of Nelson Gholson's, who, according to the mail I receive, has missed out on the school lunch program as well as classes. But the voice was persistent. The mystery tones, which sounded like a whiny 12 year-old trying to sound like a 30 year old man with a thick and strong voice, threatened me first with light violence, then leaked the Omicron's story to me - the one that will eventually be published in the robot background and special powers pamphlet to be included in each shipped package. The story is long and detail oriented, but very important. I could repeat it all here, but for now, and for your own safety, here's a excerpt:
Omicron Ultimate is the ultimate weapon created specifically to stand guard at the decepticon lair and to eventually crush the Autobot's heavily fortified mountain base including Omega Supreme's plastic track and giant claw. Believed to have been constructed entirely out of a top secret alloy that can only be created using enriched energon cubes and the freshly burnt flesh of humanoid children, Omicron is virtually invincible and in addition the alloy allows him several moments of invisibility per day. The main program that Omicron is now running (Wellberger 3.2) allows him to monitor complex computer systems and thought processes, which also will lead to his ability to learn. The superb robot programming will allow him to understand his huge responsibility to undermine the efforts of the autobots and serve Megatron proper. The decepticons, who spent over 10 years developing this plan, live in constant fear that the program will collapse under its own weight. Several lesser Decepticons have already shown disapproval and vow not to waste their laser energy on any robot war in the name of pork barrel defense projects. Will Omicron overcome this turmoil and serve valiantly, or will it potentially magnify the immense depression that may develop as the result of his superior programming ability which will allow him (maybe) to eventually develop complex emotional feelings? Will the pressure push him an heroic state or will it become too overwhelming and cause ceaseless destruction and unessary crushing? This fault, afterall, was not considered in the origninal design. But later, a special computer program patch...
Well, I think I'll leave the rest to you. Now, I must go, into a mentally free zone which I am beginning to enter. Wow, this iDoser is like a terrible nightmare I had and a terrible day which I once lived.
I received a call later that night whilst in bed. Without thought (which I lack after sleeping off several mountain shakers and a twelver of these fuckers.) I dismissed the caller as a debt collector for Mrs. Gholson or a teacher of Nelson Gholson's, who, according to the mail I receive, has missed out on the school lunch program as well as classes. But the voice was persistent. The mystery tones, which sounded like a whiny 12 year-old trying to sound like a 30 year old man with a thick and strong voice, threatened me first with light violence, then leaked the Omicron's story to me - the one that will eventually be published in the robot background and special powers pamphlet to be included in each shipped package. The story is long and detail oriented, but very important. I could repeat it all here, but for now, and for your own safety, here's a excerpt:
Omicron Ultimate is the ultimate weapon created specifically to stand guard at the decepticon lair and to eventually crush the Autobot's heavily fortified mountain base including Omega Supreme's plastic track and giant claw. Believed to have been constructed entirely out of a top secret alloy that can only be created using enriched energon cubes and the freshly burnt flesh of humanoid children, Omicron is virtually invincible and in addition the alloy allows him several moments of invisibility per day. The main program that Omicron is now running (Wellberger 3.2) allows him to monitor complex computer systems and thought processes, which also will lead to his ability to learn. The superb robot programming will allow him to understand his huge responsibility to undermine the efforts of the autobots and serve Megatron proper. The decepticons, who spent over 10 years developing this plan, live in constant fear that the program will collapse under its own weight. Several lesser Decepticons have already shown disapproval and vow not to waste their laser energy on any robot war in the name of pork barrel defense projects. Will Omicron overcome this turmoil and serve valiantly, or will it potentially magnify the immense depression that may develop as the result of his superior programming ability which will allow him (maybe) to eventually develop complex emotional feelings? Will the pressure push him an heroic state or will it become too overwhelming and cause ceaseless destruction and unessary crushing? This fault, afterall, was not considered in the origninal design. But later, a special computer program patch...
Well, I think I'll leave the rest to you. Now, I must go, into a mentally free zone which I am beginning to enter. Wow, this iDoser is like a terrible nightmare I had and a terrible day which I once lived.
posted by fiestawizard at 10:59 PM
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