Sunday, October 23, 2005

And the Lamb shall lie down with the... Lynx?

If I tell you too much, then visiting this site won't be quite as much of an intriguing mystery, so I'll let you inquire within instead.

Free advice from BORT: Don't name your little girls Lynx, parents. You know what will happen if you do? You'll make me, and lots of people born in my epoch, think of an obscure motorized action figure. One who could become a space shuttle, but who was so much more... than met the eye... who was in reality a robotic dragon/lynx hybrid beast. This character, in a cartoon made by his makers to sell toys to dumb kids, was once made to say the following bit of wisdom:

"If you ever find yourself in doubt, ask yourself: What would Sky Lynx do if he were in my position? - And you will not go far wrong."

Yes, that's right; the Christianists stole that whole "WWJD" thing from one specific line heard but once during season three of "The Transformers." Those bastards, right?

All of this is starting to make me wonder: Was Ultra Magnus actually a Neo-Nazi propaganda tool? (Answer: Does mustard come from seeds?)

1 Comments:

Blogger fiestawizard said...

In the 80's, Ultra Magnus was nothing more than a sexual tool that pushed the envelope of creativity in the already sexually saturated decadence of the times. It that name doesn't say "big powerful penis" to you, then I don't know what does. Unfortunately, some kids lost the pieces to this robot in storm drains and heat vents, but many adults at the time were losing the pieces in much more secretive places.

Anyway, about those nazi bitches. They are hot. I would put Ultra Magnus right up in them. That's all I have to say on that.

Now, about the office equipment you owe me. Get it and don't give me any more excuses. It's getting a little old. Keep your end of the bargain and I'll keep mine. Don't be an Indian giver. You wash my back I'll wash yours. Keep your hands to yourself. Rising up, back on the streets. Treat others as you would like to be treated. He who peaks at the the hidden ones always remains hidden. Sleep over at my place I'll make you some rice crispy bars. Clark Kent actually is Superman. Keep marching towards the top of the mountain, and remember that the way down is always easier. Squeeze the trigger, don't pull it. Not scratching the scratch-offs seems to defeat the purpose of the game. Block attacks by pressing -back- on the controller pad. Speak in soft tones to not be too loud (don't wake the fuckin' baby). Avoid alcohol with those pills. Drink alcohol to remain a drunkard, as you were told. Believe in yourself. Don't believe everything you hear on TV. Truth is eternal. Take a chance on me (said ABBA). Relief is on the way. Simply make your own candles by melthing down crayons and other wax-based products. Ten and two, ten and two. Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey. When you're unsure of yourself, run like hell, unless you're at the public pool, in which case you should be ready to get all types of foot infections. Etc., etc. Anyway, serve up that fine lunch bucket meal you've been promising tomorrow at shore park... that's where we'll be, me and Deams. Deams. Dreams... sweet dreams.

12:58 AM  

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