A brisk, thoughtless jaunt through the mind
This is what I got in my math department "secure" email box:
tripod living with widow, near warranty, and bicep inside are what made America great!near maestro reads a magazine, or wedding dress toward impresario satiate related to apartment building.A few dissidents, and necromancer around pocket) to arrive at a state of fighter pilotAnd operate a small fruit stand with the dark side of her apartment building.He called her Marty (or was it Marty?).spider beyond daydreams, or for tripod fall in love with cup toward fetishist.
The subject was, of course, "FCU Security Department," which makes sense when you think long and hard about it. My security has been under fire for some time, so I knew right then and there that this email had to be investigated. Boy, am I glad that I did. Boy.
So, did everyone hear about the Halloween debauchery that took place here on Saturday night? Well, I can assure you that it was quite stupid and ridiculous. Over 100,000 people were present, and most were looking for a riot. I mean, they wanted to see a riot take place. The booming recording was finally played announcing the end of all fun. Then people were sprayed with mace. I was down there for awhile (earlier than 2:00 am), and I was mostly amazed at the giant stadium lights that were brought in. Night became day, and all demons were abolished, just like in Castlevania 2. Anyway, back to the ridiculousness of the situation. According to reports, the crowd began to chant, "U.S.A., U.S.A." in response to the police presence, a chant that we all know is for idiots and idiots alike. Shit, if they were all about the USA, then they would know they were supporting a militant police force with such chants (I guess I'm implying that militant police forces love the USA... and chants thereof). Now, I know that most people were suffering the consequences of voluminous beer flows and waterfalls of cheap vodka, but that just isn't an excuse. As it turns out, the same crowd that occupies state street every night takes it over on Halloween night. A crowd that doesn't represent anything of substance relative to human solidarity, except throwing some rocks for no reason and starting small fires. Then this lame crowd starts to come together bravely, and fight as a team, all for the honorable and holy ideal of... nothing. At least start a riot in the name of paying taxes for welfare queens or something, at least I know you're thinking. These are precisely the reasons why I didn't go down there, although I was mighty close. The total cost for the city was half a million. In St. Paul, somebody was found burned in the park, at least that didn't happen here. Which would I prefer though, one man burned, or getting stamped on my forward as just another idiot Madisonian?
tripod living with widow, near warranty, and bicep inside are what made America great!near maestro reads a magazine, or wedding dress toward impresario satiate related to apartment building.A few dissidents, and necromancer around pocket) to arrive at a state of fighter pilotAnd operate a small fruit stand with the dark side of her apartment building.He called her Marty (or was it Marty?).spider beyond daydreams, or for tripod fall in love with cup toward fetishist.
The subject was, of course, "FCU Security Department," which makes sense when you think long and hard about it. My security has been under fire for some time, so I knew right then and there that this email had to be investigated. Boy, am I glad that I did. Boy.
So, did everyone hear about the Halloween debauchery that took place here on Saturday night? Well, I can assure you that it was quite stupid and ridiculous. Over 100,000 people were present, and most were looking for a riot. I mean, they wanted to see a riot take place. The booming recording was finally played announcing the end of all fun. Then people were sprayed with mace. I was down there for awhile (earlier than 2:00 am), and I was mostly amazed at the giant stadium lights that were brought in. Night became day, and all demons were abolished, just like in Castlevania 2. Anyway, back to the ridiculousness of the situation. According to reports, the crowd began to chant, "U.S.A., U.S.A." in response to the police presence, a chant that we all know is for idiots and idiots alike. Shit, if they were all about the USA, then they would know they were supporting a militant police force with such chants (I guess I'm implying that militant police forces love the USA... and chants thereof). Now, I know that most people were suffering the consequences of voluminous beer flows and waterfalls of cheap vodka, but that just isn't an excuse. As it turns out, the same crowd that occupies state street every night takes it over on Halloween night. A crowd that doesn't represent anything of substance relative to human solidarity, except throwing some rocks for no reason and starting small fires. Then this lame crowd starts to come together bravely, and fight as a team, all for the honorable and holy ideal of... nothing. At least start a riot in the name of paying taxes for welfare queens or something, at least I know you're thinking. These are precisely the reasons why I didn't go down there, although I was mighty close. The total cost for the city was half a million. In St. Paul, somebody was found burned in the park, at least that didn't happen here. Which would I prefer though, one man burned, or getting stamped on my forward as just another idiot Madisonian?
posted by fiestawizard at 2:10 PM
2 Comments:
wow, the spam has reached burroughs-like levels of meaning. what are they selling, if not your very FUTURE? but what did your investigation reveal?
the "riots" have become a self-fulfilled prophecy, haven't they? the cops are ready to kick ass at 2am, and the kids are ready to... stand up for what they believe in. and... they believe in the following: 1) themselves (Mr. Rogers would approve then, I guess), 2) pussy (but NOT "pussies" OR "wussies"), 3) john belushi, 4) homer simpson. it's not much to believe in, but it's enough. it's more than what mr. brett michaels of poison ever had to believe in, i'll tell you that much.
but, yeah, USA! bird flu! btw, that riot would have a great way for god to spread the bird flu around (per August Berkshire).
My investigation yielded no results. I had no tools at my disposal.
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