Amazingly Awkward Parallels of Existence
“My general belief is that homosexual pornographic material, homoerotic fantasies, snake visions and inappropriate phalange (and mechanical instrument… and other stuff) insertion certainly lead to hyper-gay prostitution rental. People left to their own devices seek these extreme encounters and then take cover under the proverbial Jesus blanket. Preferably, these big homos would just be outwardly and flamboyantly gay, and resist the temptation from their closeted, abusive, homosexual parents to develop complex strategies to make us believe otherwise.”
-- Fiestawizard, National Anime Sex Sci-Fi Convention
So, the top evangelical leader, Ted Haggard, rented a well-known queer for some 3 years. Boy, he sure is gay. I guess God must be gay too. Now see what you did Ted? Again, I wasn’t planning to (once again) create a crushing, yet immaculate (in a Christ type way) evangelical post, especially so close to election time, however, the real topic is related by my previous statements at the Sci-Fi convention… in some ways.
Recently, I’ve been successfully scrambled in the same manner as those old style satellite dish signals – you know, ever changing twisted lines of the color spectrum mixed with distorted sounds. The reasons for this are many, but I’ve come to realize that a lot of it has to do with current frontier of commercial advertising. Yeah, what?! I know, usually I sit in a catatonic (but highly absorbent) state and take in all of the necessary information, travel to the stores on my universal list, and apply the required amounts of cash to purchase the products that have stored their slogans in my moist frontal cavity (in my head of course). But, I look in the mirror each morning to refigure my eye, and I see a different person. A person that is shrouded by a fog of confusion and thick, oily smoke. I don’t see things anymore, nothing at all (note: partially due to eye twittering from reaction caused by accidental explosion near face). What I can’t tell you, honestly, is what fucking product that commercial with the cavemen is pushing at me. They’ve hidden their true message in some sort of hastily constructed theatrical performance (just like homo-evangelists… see, I wasn’t kidding). Now, I’m the king of hastily created theatrical performances, and I am trying to push a crappy product that I’m not completely clear on, but this is the story of my life, and I don’t get paid for my poorly thought of methods, laws, and rules. It’s not just this one commercial, it’s roughly 80% of all commercial activity stimulating my brain activity. Shit, am I dependant on this commercial activity for the jump-starting of my brain activity? It looks like they got me after all. Is that their plan? What do they have in store? I just vomited and shit myself simultaneously trying to wrap my mind around things. I will now wrap hotdogs in bacon.
Head on – applied directly to the forehead. Head on – applied directly to the forehead. Head on – applied directly to the forehead.
-- Fiestawizard, National Anime Sex Sci-Fi Convention
So, the top evangelical leader, Ted Haggard, rented a well-known queer for some 3 years. Boy, he sure is gay. I guess God must be gay too. Now see what you did Ted? Again, I wasn’t planning to (once again) create a crushing, yet immaculate (in a Christ type way) evangelical post, especially so close to election time, however, the real topic is related by my previous statements at the Sci-Fi convention… in some ways.
Recently, I’ve been successfully scrambled in the same manner as those old style satellite dish signals – you know, ever changing twisted lines of the color spectrum mixed with distorted sounds. The reasons for this are many, but I’ve come to realize that a lot of it has to do with current frontier of commercial advertising. Yeah, what?! I know, usually I sit in a catatonic (but highly absorbent) state and take in all of the necessary information, travel to the stores on my universal list, and apply the required amounts of cash to purchase the products that have stored their slogans in my moist frontal cavity (in my head of course). But, I look in the mirror each morning to refigure my eye, and I see a different person. A person that is shrouded by a fog of confusion and thick, oily smoke. I don’t see things anymore, nothing at all (note: partially due to eye twittering from reaction caused by accidental explosion near face). What I can’t tell you, honestly, is what fucking product that commercial with the cavemen is pushing at me. They’ve hidden their true message in some sort of hastily constructed theatrical performance (just like homo-evangelists… see, I wasn’t kidding). Now, I’m the king of hastily created theatrical performances, and I am trying to push a crappy product that I’m not completely clear on, but this is the story of my life, and I don’t get paid for my poorly thought of methods, laws, and rules. It’s not just this one commercial, it’s roughly 80% of all commercial activity stimulating my brain activity. Shit, am I dependant on this commercial activity for the jump-starting of my brain activity? It looks like they got me after all. Is that their plan? What do they have in store? I just vomited and shit myself simultaneously trying to wrap my mind around things. I will now wrap hotdogs in bacon.
Head on – applied directly to the forehead. Head on – applied directly to the forehead. Head on – applied directly to the forehead.
posted by fiestawizard at 12:25 PM
1 Comments:
the caveman commercial was designed (by my mentor Mr. Pecos) to tap into your (specifically, you) reptile brain and the part that lives to draw things on your walls to notify others about your recent "kills" (successful purchases at conglomerated stores) & how to hide from the "giant saber tooth tigers" (semi trucks) that could kill you and your loved ones. now, this was done to help you SAVE MONEY on car insurance, obviously. it's your loss if you didn't fall for that old trick.
ted haggard was NOT sexing up that well-muscled male hooker, Mr. Delagado (?). he was merely buying meth (or "tina" as it's known, i guess). geez. big deal. oh, yeah, and massages.
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