A proposed new method for ultimate information integration

The expense is yet to be determined, but relative to the benefit it will reap, it is sure to be minimal. It's the next frontier, after all. Yes, there will be small gallops of greatness along the way: ultra-advanced I-pods that allow you to control your favorite artists, various lighted head gear, video games that spew real blood from your entertainment system and floating manuscripts. These merely scratch the surface of what's to come. Three components are necessary and two are already in place: data mining and a large pools of information resources. The third component, complex deterministic chaotic theory, is generally described as malevolent and was foreshadowed by Dr. Mindbender in "Arise, Serpentor, Arise." Many details are excluded, of course, in one thirty minute episode. Qualitatively, the theory is perceived as being malevolent, but will indeed be the end all of our ultimate attachment to the information pools, and will thus be historically deemed benevolent. Obviously, the theory has yet to be completely developed, so discussing it here would be no less than idiotic.

It's well known that an increasing number of electronic and mechanical systems have been implemented with additional systems to connect them to independent pools of information that allow them to operate more efficiently. Accurate predictions of future conditions can successfully be made with these advancements, while at the same time, 68% of accident related limb amputations result from inaccuracies. The primary reason for these slip-ups is the lack of connection between information pools. This is where Mindbender's expertise is required, but is the impossible solution. Instead, the eventual connection will likely occur due to the creation of many independent pool connections, that result in the appropriate input into the systems. The systems will then learn that for greater efficiency, a higher volume of information is required, thus leading to the generation of more connections. The first indications of this occurrence will be great growths in productivity and a decrease in the presently slothful information congestion that currently exists. However, the growth of connections will be exponential and in the blink of an eye, all information will be accessible to all systems. Once all information pools are connected, the remaining technology will easily be developed to take prime advantage of the circumstances. Consider, for example, a simple scenario:

In the far future, imagine having your dream database connected to the computer infrastructure at Home Depot. Your dreams of walking through the paint isle and being surprised by Uncle Albert (being as sorry as you were), may be realized, in a ploy to get you (possibly) to purchase 5 gallons of Behr brand auburn sun eggshell paint. At the same time, your systems (both mental and physical) would be assimilating the information of Home Depot, possibly allowing you to gain valuable tips about early deliveries, seasonally available items, or plots to seize your wallet with an Uncle Albert stand-in. The scenarios approach infinity, but are well bound and deterministic to all available systems.

As some systems will be simply satisfied with trivial cooperation and the goal to complete a single task, others, possibly more advanced depending on your disposition, will expand the purpose of their existence. Within a year, all systems (including persons) will compete more violently with one another than history has ever seen, with billions of opertaions being carried out via light-speed processors in only milliseconds. The negative consequences will at first be sweeping and devastating, the information civil war if you will. The casualties will be buried without their soul, and the headless head of technology will remain standing in sterile victory. This will become historic information, and like any other, will be assimilated. All systems will, for a period, return to a neutral and progress driven status. As new information emerges, the cycle will continue and, like any other chaotic system, will evolve in a non-predictable fashion, although all of the outcomes were well defined from the start. At the end of the day, the 1% chance that an information black hole might occur, is always present.

Be aware. The next great, and possibly final, technological revolution is on the horizon. Maybe 10 years, maybe 100. It's a real and formidable friend and adversary. The foundation of its existence is well known, but its implications are not. For now, we should all stick to using our simple I-pods until we understand them fully. Once this step has been completed, we'll come back to discuss this again.

Chinese democracy to be delayed (The salts enter the line at Best Buy for one last chance)

21) The last low pop of the Wrigley Doublemint was only barely heard through the ever present low spark of the high heeled boys. At least that's how it used to be. In 1991. It wasn't cool anymore, ever since he waited in line at White Drug for the first copy of Use Your Illusion I and later II. The double release was more than highly touted, and he had $35 plus some change that was dedicated to insuring that the album made it high into the charts, just as it had been promised by Rolling Stone, Phlegm Wad, Fangoria, Reader's Digest, and other overly important publications. Ironically his convictions, which were worn on his jean jacket by way of permanent patch, were his downfall. Release dates, as he remembered them in that day, were anything but certain, and he thus was forced to wait in the arcade everyday until 2 pm when the majority of major shipments arrived. Clarice, the thirty-something mother of 2 and steady-handed front desk clerk lacked the necessary skills to help him, and, in fact, usually greatly resented his presence, style, and related charisma. She once told him that the album had just arrived, but indeed the copies had all been reserved for the "die hards." He took this hard, and fought back anger, and then tears. It was second only in emotional spirit to his recent break up. Eventually the day did come, and he only knew so because he had obtained some inside information from Bryce Murthman, local box lifter. Wake up, eat at Hardees', listen to Paradise City (started at 7:46:00, end at 7:52:45), arrive at back door of White Drug and wait. Wait is right. That's what he did. Right up until several local ass faces with long pony tails and brass knuckles arrived at 10:14 and smashed him into wonder lust and deletion. Dust kicks, skull cranks and delicious but basic facial bone brim stones were employed with success. The patch was ripped away with little effort, making its permanence fade into a distant parabolic thought. It was the preamble to his existence... formerly. The dudes were Def Leppard fans, and were high on the pure sounds of Hysteria, which had just been released. Clarice laughed and smoked at him.

22) Another day another dollar. Today, however, lacked its usual grayness for the first time since 1993, the last time promises were made to him. That year was green and lush, and smelled of day lillies and aquifers. He was young, strong, and generally appealing. Now it was different. He woke up daily to the sound of a cheap alarm and slept in his jeans. He woke up and ate dry coffee and shook uncontrollably. Only this day, he knew things would be different. He would step back to a former claim of self-worth, and kick start his outlook. He got in his penny loafers and drove to Best Buy that morning of November 24th, 2008, a day of reckoning for many as it were. 14 songs and and 16 years later, the voice of god would speak. January 1st 2000, as we all know, was to be the second coming, the end times, revelations. But he knew this was the real thing. He was third in a not so highly contested line to win his prize ($US 12.99). He played it all the way home and transferred it to his MP3 player. It was a pretty good album he figured (just between us, part of his calculation was based on his denial of any disappointment, which, after so many years could easily take the last breath of a man). He played it for 3 days straight and fell into a new life of awesomeness and power. He never lost again.

23) A smashing of high proportions always caused high amplitude waves in the suburbs. Normally serene and calm waters were highly noticeable to the local lords when waves began to take away precious beach sand. Stacey Neurbenson knew just how it worked too. Slowly but surely he eroded away every last grain of the shit, mostly by way of high speed pressure assault in combination with a common yard rake. At the end of the summer, his task complete, he made plans to get the fuck out of town and work at a city-sized factory in upstate. He built a tent in his backyard to stake out a route on some old maps and to count his chickens. The plan was keen on high risk, but neglected to take into account highly cherished items that might come into full view. He waited too long into the fall of the year 2008 and ended up purchasing the new Guns 'n Roses album on speculation. He'd not heard of them much, naturally and honestly, due to his age. Through the purchase of a sparkling back catalogue, the impending sound of the Nightrain and Mr. Brownstone not leaving him alone caused him to live with his mom and dad for the rest of his life. His dreams of worldwide communism were crushed and he was forced to forever more live within the confines of widescale and corrupt democracy, driven by venture capitalists and warhawks.

Internment

Karaoke at sundown with nebula star. Election.