Uplifting songs for the broken-hearted (you and #'s 18-20)

18) The gorillas that dog the deaf. It was a phrase that came to him once and never left. It came subconsciously; not a reaction to something that occurred. Each and every day he'd try to attach the phrase to something, to prove that it had profound meaning. He'd heard about this sort of thing happening to others through an old Bill Burroughs recording. Was he the deaf one? Why did the gorillas fuck with him? No, it was some political message. Or did it explain the daily struggle of man throughout time? Maybe it was literal. He was nervous about mentioning any of this to his friends, but he did anyway. They said it could very possibly be something really stupid, and they made him say the phrase out loud again. It sure sounded stupid, he'd think. He gave up on his idea and got a job at Quizno's. He got one free sandwich on a workday and never tried to apply the phrase to this situation.

19) His gimmick goes something like this..... he shows up at your door and motions down the street, indicating he lives there. He will then talk about being retired from Miller, Pepsi or Coke and if you would like to get a some cases of drink you can give him X amount of money and he'll bring the stuff back to you. He also engages in Block Watch talk..... he is either interested in putting together a block watch or if he sees the Block Watch signs he'll say he's part of the Block Watch. This is an older black male and the reports are that he always looks dirty and unkempt.

20) Post #300 - wow, what a difference. He sat back in his slide-back chair, the one with the splice on the side, as he drank a can of Slice. He tilted to about 15 degrees. He finally won.

14-17, small man lives in past

14)
A world unheard of. He lived in it. Others suffered the consequences of it. Last week Thursday was the last day he went into Jesse's Diner, a sweet Southern throwback restaurant with an all-day breakfast menu. He ate three bacons, two eggs (over easy) and two white bread toast. He lived mostly existentially, except for when he ate bacon. He could really crawl back into himself then, which makes sense. I approached him with some advice, "keep on keepin' on." He slowly looked up, swallowed his last morsel of pork bacon, and smiled. The bacon was viewable between his upper inscisor and canine. He got up and left. He never had a heart attack from eating that type of food.

15)
A monument to human decadence. Different things were in place all over the household: large appliances, golf bags, bags of shrimp, diamond watches, suits, expsensive "classic series" books, a nightstand with a glass top. She bought this shit to feel good about herself (mostly through the supposed thoughts of others). At 32 she realized she had all the things she once said she wanted, but the real disease was that the carrot held in front of her kept moving. She bought more shit to treat her sickness, but it didn't help. At the end of the day she watched a big godamned TV and listened to 3d sound effects. Her anger made it impossible to eat the Wheat Thins. Thereafter she went to bed angry and never mentioned it to anybody.

16)
Morris Sipro learned to gage his dreams while in the military. He once developed a rating system while spending long hours in the barracks. Note #1 - different music would result in different effects. Note #2 - dreams must be written down immediately upon the awakened state lest they be forgotten. In order to produce certain ideal dream effects Morris would have to spend long hours during the day trying NOT to concentrate too hard on any one thought or become too stressed out, if possible. In the relaxed state, he knew that his dreams would become fully developed, and essentially meaningless in any non-dreaming world. For example, he wouldn't dream about tomorrow's tasks. Over seas Morris' list of rules and journal of dreams became very extensive as he managed to get a gig behind a desk. Non-stressful. Two days prior to his return he was gunned down by a comrade who had lost his wits. A bullet in the back. His notebook contained a lot of information but was never read by anyone. Ever.

17)
It was a rough neighborhood. The culture, the concrete, the other kids. They'd push him, rake his face over the brick, call him different names. The Pearl Jam song "Jeremy" gave him an idea, that of biting the recess lady's breast, but he soon remembered that he had nothing against her. And also his older brother told him that it wasn't even ironically cool to like that song. He didn't know what that meant, but it fed the fire he was supposed to have. He ate a Watchamacallit candy bar everyday before school. One day he had chocolate smeared all over his face and an eighth grader named Kent let him know just that. Then he smashed his shoulder with a bike lock. After that, the kid missed some school. His dad said he had really fucked up his life and sent him to live with his aunt. His aunt pushed him into showbiz. This man was Ashton Kutcher. He went on to make some great movies and everybody was real impressed.

Only Jesus saves

I looked to the south, the east, the west. North was out of the question, after all, I'd just come from that direction. Dangerous. As the sign reads, "Only Jesus Saves." Neon cross, giant signs evoking fire and brimstone horror, Jesus himself. Listen to them all. Admittedly, I was wrong in taking the, "I can do it myself without the Jesus power" route. I was nearly dead wrong. Or at least my dog was. A being that holds no belief in any religious entity. A true heathen. She'd eat any religious relic or religious figure without even caring about the consequences. She'll also climb a decent amount of stone steps to get to the top of the cliffs without regard to consequence.



See in the distance? There's no way down over there, no way at all except straight down about 2000 steps. Steps that a typical dog can't conquer. As I approached the peak at around 7:00 pm I began to panic. Would it get dark? Would there be a gentle winding path? Yes. No. The dog began to slow due in large part to creaky joints. Her passion was not lost, but her energy level was running at a mere 4.1/23. I thought we could make it, but the only path available contained sharp crushed stone, a terrible hazard for any dog's worn pads. She took slow, limping steps, a strong indication that she hated this shit and was ready to sit down for a while. A half hour passed while I debated whether or not to swallow my pride (also running at 4.1/23, so not a huge loss anyway) and use the emergency call station. I did eventually, giving a general, calm and collected cry for help. Nobody answered for some time, but eventually they agreed that they could indeed classify this as an emergency. A truck picked me up soon after. Thanks park rangers, you guys are really friendly.

Now, alone, this incident is merely embarrassing. These situations come up for me a lot, and I normally keep the press attention under wraps using a superior force of publicists, henchman, and hitmen. This time, however, my significant other was told to wait patiently for me. As time passed for her, the sun went down and the beach-goers left the area, still half-drunk off of warm Milwaukee's Best. Left to her own devices, all she could assume was that I had fallen from a cliff to my death. Who knows how much that bothered her. We'll assume lots. When I was reunited with her, I said, "Only Jesus saves. Sometimes. Other times the park rangers do."

Edmonton to Winnipeg - a real hellride

The Canadian people are a fine people. Among the many things they are, gentle, campassionate, thoughtful, you wouldn't guess the best of it. They're fucking crazy. At least a few of them. I understand that the bus ride from Edmonton to Winnipeg is likely extremely boring, one might say deathly boring. 741 miles of untouched nature, grandpa used to say. The wilderness, in all of its glory, reminds me of fresh egg breakfast. Others have a more cynical feeling about the journey. Take for example, Vince Weiguang Li, a man known for his generally strong appeal and strong work ethic. The former may or may not be true, the latter has been proven. The bus ride was too much for him to take. He took it into his own hands and stabbed the life out of some man with somewhere around 30 strikes.

"There was no rage or anything. He was just like a robot stabbing the guy," one passenger recalled.

To make certain the bled-out corpse was finished, he proceeded with the final decapitation steps and then began to eat the flesh. A Canadian mounty saw this go down, and referred to the attacker as "Badger." With all of the nonsense here, that part seems to make the least sense. It was assumed that the national healthcare program would take care of it.

So, needless to say, my thoughts of moving to Canada have to be reconsidered. Shit. In the U.S. people kill each other for various reasons, all of which I've thought to be pretty illegitimate, as if I assume there are legitimate reasons. In Canada, however, there's just no goddamn sense in any of it. Watch out for the mysterious Canadian sky I guess.