A thought relinquishing method

As the title suggests, I have many. Many, many, many my friends. I have no need to unleash them. This will be a post containing multiple items with much less detail than that guy with OCD uses. Wow! Just read his latest blog entry.

1) It is hot as Mongolian shit in here. Ouch.

2) I saw this kid at the local street fest this past weekend:



What are 8-year old kids up to these days? Being awesome at doing stuff that's what. I could never master the recorder, and I was barely able to operate a tape recorder. In the new technological age, kids are able to process tasks more efficiently (like high-speed computers) and sharply hone their ultra awesome skills.

Other items, listed in order of estimated popularity among audience:

1) My dog's gelatinous diarrhea returns. Holy shit.

2)This was overheard (in summary):

A stick figure with no arms
It was on top of the lemon drop jar
Six pennies were stacked neatly by him
They were the tone of copper that you enjoy
You are also a stoner

Non-specific monetary consumption
Relieved his lack of focus
But made him an evil kreeden
He distorted reality for amusement
And sold his soul for rock ‘n’ roll

3) I went to work. No progress was made. No progress was made on my system of progress tracking (see previous post)

4) I'm going to start applying fees. I'll explain this later.

Negative nourishment

Today I ate a gas station purchased ham and cheese puff, as they're called. I feel that it brought me one step closer to the grave. They're no doubt delicious fried snacks, as promised, but they damage my innards. I guess I'll be all right. Please write me soon.

Somebody smashed my world

It was sitting up on my desk. The upper tier. Did you happen to see it up there? It was mainly blue, but had components of yellow, red and green, and was molded to my liking. It got crushed by human fingers. Seems unbelievable doesn't it? Well believe it.

I don't know. It appears that someone was angry. Very angry perhaps. There isn't much left after all. What the shit happened? Why? One huge part of it had legs. They're separated from the remainder and also annihilated. Things that were once well placed are now awkwardly arranged at improper angles. For what? The two parts are no longer in harmonic coexistence, as they were. Instead they sit lifelessly and without the hope they were given upon creation. Wow. There's no doubt about it, this will slow my progress considerably. Consider your own progress. Will it be affected? A lot of different algorithms that I use to track my being (and progress) are specifically meant to reflect this which will in turn be reflected in my attributes. Great.

I have to rest. I'm not yet sure of the full implications, but right now the prospects are dismal at best. Think about it. Now.

The banquet is not yet dismissed (#'s 11-13)

11) Business as usual. Their prior convictions meant nothing anymore. Those in the business know how it is. He woke up, ate a muffin, and smelled his right shoe. It didn't smell appealing. He made his list, as usual, and drank black coffee. The window to the south was cracked and the sun bled through the covering blinds. He whistled, as usual, Gloria, by Branigan. He checked his worn pants for further damage and noticed that it was time. A half hour had passed. His hands were chalky and tired. He went outside and, for the 612th day straight, he maintained his corpse pile. He earned money at the end of the day and was content nonetheless.

12) An old dimly-lit industrial area. The ground was dry, only slightly dampened by old poisons. Local scenery was only called as such because it existed. It was a poorly planned ant-farm of sorts. The plans were good-natured, but the outcome was depressing. The people exhibited this. The sun was red here, the vegetation hearty. It was a sign, but was read improperly. Many people left that year, and were placed in neat areas near the heavy metals filtration pond. Their remains later fertilized a large area and many other plants grew. An old man survived in the area for years and took note. He planted tomatoes there and ate them cold on various sandwiches.

13) Grandma was a horrific old woman, but he had no where else to live. Mostly his day consisted of a walk to the local store and the purchase of a sugared beverage and a caramel apple for grandma. There was a constant threat of denture damage. He'd sit in his room for hours, all alone, left to think about nothing, which he excelled at. Sometimes he listened to an America tape his dad gave him. He grew his hair out one summer and imagined that it might be possible to reach the other side of the city on foot. After all, he'd never really been that far away. His neighbor, Craig, once took the time to condition him to leave the area. Craig, in his slick business suit (he sold insurance plans to the non-dimensional), always threw out good ideas to send him off in the hopes he might never return. He was a real asshole. One morning he bought the soda and just kept walking. He imagined grandma at home watching the Price is Right in a grandma rage. It made his neck tingle. He ended up at the beach and never found his way home. He lived down there and eventually took a bus to San Jose where he lived in a bungalow with Steve Martin.

The Progress Patterns

Have any interest in succeeding? How about just making some general progress? Well my friend, it may not be as simple as it seems. Just try for yourself, you'll see. Soon you'll be facing the most common hurdles: harsh criticism, higher than usual utility bills, teenage angst, slow leaks and drug-induced comas, to name a few.

So how, you ask, can these things be overcome? It just doesn't seem possible. And indeed, it is impossible, however, with my newly developed system, you might at least achieve the ideal of not understanding the accepted and societal definition of progress, a condition which I like to refer to as progress nirvana (here, nirvana is not related to state achieved in buddhist practice, but rather to the cutting-edge grunge rock appeal of the early 90s band).


The entire program will be released soon, including the usual figures, tables, and diagrams, as soon as I prove that it is legitimate through achieving my own success. In short, it entails detailed summaries of the days events, including at least one photograph and one summarizing mantra that you create. The results are compared to your own developed "pattern" which includes your own subjective progress reality. As I said, I'll explain later - let the frustration of these vague words die on their own. Unless, of course, that feeling is part of your primary progress support system.