Michigan Militia once again fails on promised attack

Once, twice, three times... I lose count. How many times has the Michigan militia strategized an assault, then didn't come through because the situation somehow was resolved or ended? Lots of times, that's how many. Just last year they were planning "Operation Mindcrime," that is, of course, until they realized that Geoff Tate had already done that. Maybe after I call them pussies here, they will proceed with "Operation kill that guy in Wisconsin."

Operation Resurrection

Double penetration- the protesting of protests

It's been a while since my last post, and all I really have to say for myself is that I've been lying at the bottom of a darker than normal ornamental wishing well. I got out, as you nay-saying jelly faces can see. Nice try... nice try. The big news is shown below, or above, whichever I decide. It all came to me in a dream... it was similar to that one Twilight Zone episode that everyone talks about. I was transferred to a satellite by entering a stamp museum. I was then pressured by gravity to come back to Earth via falling through the atmosphere, at which point I fell back to the stamp museum which turned out to be at a tech school. Then I proctored that exam where I saw the post on a bulletin board. It read, "Communism only killed 100 million people, why not give it another try?" www.protestwarrior.com I gave the whole thing a try, and this is what I found. Find out for yourself, and maybe I will comment later if you wish.

Feeling Minnesota?

The following will not be for your amusement. In advance, I apologize for being a stick-in-the-mud.

I have recently been complaining a lot about Florida. It is a state where stupid and/or destructive and/or scary and/or weird and/or shitty stuff happens, usually involving needless suffering. Too numerous to enumerate, but for starters:

1. Janet Reno's home --> creator of Waco nightmore, et al
   
2. Home of the biggest presidential-election stealing scandal ever
   
3. Anthrax terrorism's first victims were here
   
4. Elian Gonzalez (remember him? ah, the innocent controversies of yesteryear)
5. Disneyworld, aka child-abduction conspiracy epicenter
   
6. Cocaine superhighway
7. Obnoxious celebrities, superficiality, and retired folks together in one penis-shaped place
   

And now, Florida... you've bested yourself! Children are getting arrested trying to bring water to the lips of a woman who once suffered from severe bulimia and anorexia, leading to hypokalemia and her near-death, a suicidal-seeming cardiac arrest. If only she had eaten normally back then! "Honey, my irony tastes terrible; can we send it back?" (We must defend this once mentally-ill woman, quick, before someone discovers that WE SUPPORT KILLERS AND RAPISTS, at least in the metaphorical sense. At least in the sense that we vote for them. So then they can give us small tax breaks as tokens of their appreciation. And then their gigantic businesses can fuck us harder, since they've proven how dedicated they are, after all, to LIFE, at least in cases where it's completely not life at all.)

But no. It's the easy way out, isn't it? I mean, mocking Florida. It's too easy. Furthermore, I now live in the state that is known for:

1. Electing a pro-wrestling, "Predator"-acting, bald "Reform" libertarian as Governor
2. Being really fucking cold
3. Having few black people, and certainly few good sports teams
4. Prince
5. Possibly being part of Canada

And, of course, let's not forget the newest one:

6. School-murder epicenter for 18 months straight

Here we are, now, entertain us. This kid in Red Lake, Red Lake High School, Jeff Weise. The warning signs. No one cared. People knew, you know. They just didn't listen, care, or look with mercy. His mother, cousins, grandfather died in shocking ways when he was young, to start with. Then this Neo-Nazi shit. The trenchcoats. The death-poems. The Flash cartoons of boy shooting people and himself.* He telegraphed Monday's events from way back there. He needed help. There was none to be found. If we had listened, then what? This would not have happened.

This is not TV, videogames, comic books, music, the internet, movies, or even (I hate to admit) our lax Minnesota gun laws that allow any idiot to conceal and carry. This is not goth. This is not even (again, I hate to admit) neo-Nazi.

It IS all of the above causing us to be numb, desensitized. It is public schools of ignorance. It is no child left behind. It is our culture of cruelty. It is mental health for profit. It is Terry Schiavo and US soldiers. It is info overload. It is no trust. It is our ongoing gift to this land and its Natives. Fire water. Guns. All of the above.

It is about a boy who killed 9 people, then himself. Who fantasized about it for a long time. Who thought a lot about God and the Devil and racial purity and hatred. Who hated himself, I think. (Who needed something that we'll never know now. But we never wanted to know in the first place.) For whom they shall say: Fuck him, damn him to hell, and fuck you for almost caring.

The papers shall dine upon this for a while like a fine dessert. It's gotten our minds off of the tsunami relief effort, at least. "The what, now?" Good... very good... that's right....... Just sit back, watch the pretty colors, and come up to Minnesota, where it's always colder than Florida.




*if you only follow one link, make it that one!

Thanks Canada

Surveying the statistics to this site, I've found that we receive a more than ample amount of traffic from Canadians. It makes me red in the face it does. Thanks again you Canadian champs.

Journalistic Journey

Funny readings in the Fargo Forum lately. Journalism is really on a streak of greatness as of late. These first two articles are opinions by some lady with multiple master's degrees and other "credentials." She illustrates that credentials don't necessarily mean smart or credible, but they certainly show pretention. It's not that I wasn't interested in her argument, it was the author's attempt to use some great philosophical standard that turned me off. Mostly she just used bad grammar, poor reasoning, and even made trivial things up. I mean hell, claiming that it's a great hypocrisy for one to say that they don't agree with abortion, yet they don't care what other people think? I guess the Catholic church deserves to claim to save a few lives after hundreds of years of encouraging otherwise by means of violence. Well... I guess those things were in the name of God and all....

Part 1
Part 2

And then there's this dipshit- it just goes to show that people with personalized license plates are just what you thought they were.

Look at me

Taxi-Cab Confessions of Idiocy

"Oh boy, have I got a pretty good one to tell here," I said out loud as I approached the muffin counter to keep track of the lemon poppy numbers. The morning was bright, and the dew laden grass brushed my naked toes lightly as if to say, "I hope your day goes well." Okay, I'll stop with self-narration. That has nothing to do with the task at hand.

So, last night I went to a friends birthday party in the downtown area. I decided to take a cab home since I had not driven there and the weather was not congenial. Badger Cab was my choice of service, since I like their use of propane cars and fast driving foreigners. They also have "ride-share," which on this night proved to suck at first, then be fun after that. You see, between my friend's house and my house lies the Madison area "college trend setter" area, complete with dance club type venues, dipshits yelling stuff in the street, white people, white people, and more dipshits. Tonight the destination was "Madison Avenue" bar and good times. We picked up one college type dude (not the hippy pot smokin' type, but the clean cut A&F type) and a stupid girl to go along with him. Actually, she wasn't "with" him, and this is not a "ejaculate smeared on the passenger side window" story. We all know that Travis Bickel hated cleaning that shit up every night. He'll kill you. Anyway, they were talking back there about this guys relationship trouble, and how on this particular night some other girl was "moving in" on he and his girlfriend's relationship. "She's the only one, you know that Jennyfer (or whatever this girl's name was)." She claimed that so-and-so was indeed moving in, and that's just how she is and blah blah fuckin' blah. Of course, he then had a brief conversation with his stupid girlfriend and was clearly distressed, as was she as I heard her cold voice through the cell phone that apparently couldn't be turned down. You see, old Kurt's girlfriend had walked right the fuck out of this bar the moment that girl B had bought a drink for Kurt. And yes, it was a show of affection. Attempting to help, girl in back seat gave shallow and ridiculous encouragement/tips. As you can imagine, I was very close to just telling them both to just shut the fuck up, but I didn't think I had the support of my French cabbie (the French are suckers for Romance, which is, of course, why they did so poorly in both world wars). Anyway, I didn't because their ride was very short. The guy got dropped off first, after which I proclaimed, "Boy, I'm glad that douche-bag is gone." It received no response, and I don't know why I thought it would now that I think of it. The silence was slightly awkward, made only slightly less so by the fact that the Nicki back there was apparently too oblivious to realize what I had just said. Such as things progress, I naturally decided to then tell her that she had done a great job. In fact, she did so good that I shook her hand and congratulated her... on her upcoming appearance on Taxi-Cab Confessions! (A new radio show, I assured her, soon to appear on the new public radio programming schedule). She then became surprised, shocked, and content. "What?! Oh... heehe! Really?! Okay, I guess. I was just trying to be his friend. I didn't know what else to say." "Well my dear, I've been in this cab for ten hours, and you're the first to throw out anything of great enough quality to publish in any form." She was slightly delighted at this point. I thanked her once more and urged her to notify her fun little friend of his accomplishments. She then left. The Frenchie and I had a good laugh, and I told him that I might just ride around all night sometime to do such things for my own pleasure. I did tell her it would be "on" later (her "confession" that is), and I guess this will suffice. At least I can't get sued now. Taste the Chrome!

"SEGA! " (RIP)

So desperate was he, that Sonic sucked me off for 5 bucks behind the Blockbuster on Washington Avenue, across from Arby's. He's still got a nasty crank habit to support. Paranoid little bugger.

School Days, Fool Days, Colorful Golden Shower Days

Oh boy... school days, school days. Today I proceeded to get shot down for getting into the research mix by several professors. Professional professors that is, that know a thing or two about a thing or two. I'm not sure if the rejection stems from my lack of professional appeal, my general scent, or my inability to read. Either way, I may be stuck teaching college physics for a good percentage of my life... it's all part of the march to the grave, as ufoid has said. At this point, I really don't care what I will research- bricks, ropes, lava, cat mucus, dangerous pits, all things I've been so fond of in the past. The other students that have positions, yes, they look down upon me as if to say, "Barnes, you ain't got shit motherfucker." I know assholes, I know. What I do have is a new 27" Sony TV! So fuck off. Nah, actually I don't, and really that's not that great anyway. Maybe the whole thing is due to my previously spoken of incongruence with the other departmenters. I fear their banality right now; almost in some instances as much as that fat fucker Klassen. Ha, kidding again... nobody was as mindless as that shit for brains. I might call his mom like I've been threatening for the last couple of years. In any case, "... lack of funds..." gets old real fast. I guess it's true, and maybe I have nobody to blame but the government... again. Speaking of which, they just shot down the TAA's contract resolution offer. We said that we would take nothing- we get no raises, we pay no health, nothing changes (technically we lose, due to inflation and such). They came back to the table and said, "how about we give you nothing, and we make you pay for health insurance from January 2004 to forever?" Last spring they had offered the union pay increases of $1 million total (for all employees), of which they now claim is gone (went to fund North Woods Dungeon Terrorist Fun Camp). So, I guess that's a good deal. They will now lead us to a quiet room on the capital hill, pull our pants down, and do as desired, and repeat as desired. I am slanderous, and maybe the professors have heard about this and are trying to oust me. Please, someone come up with a grand conspiracy theory, please.

I don't know about the Phantom Freaks, either.

Known to few but felt by many, the Texas-Quebec connection produced some of the most important events of the 1980s, among other things, including the tv show "Starcade."*
In those days, people were much shorter, so tall folks could really do whatever they wanted and get away with murder -- literally. What began as a simple plan to fool Fidel Castro into playing a version of "Dragon's Lair" that was rigged with explosives, evolved into a nightmare of torture and bloodshed behind the scenes. President Reagan began to panic once word got around, and was forced to make VP Bush take drastic measures. George H.W. Bush quickly marshalled his own Texas connections, including some dudes with huge balls, to go up to Quebec themselves and toss some shit around the offices of the fuck-ups that were running the game.
Half of the Quebec contigent became quite scared after that, and left the project; these 5 men, who became known as the notorious "Quebecer Quintet," changed their focus towards taking advantage of what they anticipated as an impending power vacuum. Using their powerful skills, the Quintet tapped into some local anarchists and alcoholic, homeless Frenchies, ready to reap the whirlwind should Quebec sovereignty become a reality. Unfortunately, the Quintet again turned to their old tricks of torture and various forms of mind control. That manuever led directly the creation of Queensryche's seminal album "Operation Mindcrime". This, in turn, led to Queensryche trying to stage a comeback tour, which partially succeeded, I guess. This partial success has apparently led to the creation of OM:2, which hopefully will focus more on the Texas connection.
Anyway, once the original Quebec group was spilt apart by Bush, Sr.'s cronies, it left the Texas group floundering for support. They sought it out by funding the cocaine habit of John DeLorean, who they felt could develop a time-traveling futuristic vehicle that could be used to travel back in time to overthrow Castro successfully prior to the Bay of Pigs.
Once Reagan was informed of the Texas group's latest idea, he consulted Nancy, who consulted their Astrologer, Joan Quigley. Quigley warned Ronnie of the obvious -- that killing Castro prior to Bay of Pigs would mean that the Mafia and Lyndon Johnson would not have had the need to kill Kennedy, which would have of course led to Reagan remaining a B-movie star in California. Having none of that, Reagan again called in his trusted footsoldier, G.H.W. Bush.
This time, Bush wanted to make sure that there would be no consequence that could inspire Queensryche in the future, so he took the unusual step of visiting the Texas group himself. He approached their HQ one afternoon, alone, but wearing a Kennedy mask. Announcing himself as "the ghost of JFK", he sat down to lunch with them, offering them advice in much the same way that Christ did to his disciples after the resurrection. Of course, all he REALLY offered was disinformation designed to stop the DeLorean project; for example, telling them that there were a bunch of sex-starved hotties up in Quebec who were waiting for them. Of course, he couldn't produce any proof, being a ghost, and those virgins fell for it. Upon reaching Quebec, hoping for sweet relief of their cock problems, they met up with their Quebec cohorts. The Quebec group made haste in the work of taking the Texas boys into the caves beneath Quebec City, where they were assassinated by a troop of brown bears. Bush's Texas cronies triggered a small explosion, sealing off the caves, and the Quebec group was dispatched just as quickly.
DeLorean was left to find his own cocaine after that, and I think we all know what his project ultimately led to. Starcade's first host, Geoff Edwards, ended up in the witness protection program, but I've heard that he's an entertainer on cruise ships now. The children of Starcade went on to become the modern-day Manchurian candidates, such as John Lee Malvo, who did appear on the show in its final season, when they were accepting toddlers as contestants. We all know how things worked out for Bush. Castro, of course, masterminded the entire thing with telepathy, as always, and again won the game.
Of course, the Texas-Quebec connection continues to this day in ways that have gone further underground and that are unbeknownest to me, actually. I avoid them, due to their constant blundering, which is also done in 1920's slapstick style. Anyway, sorry I didn't write for the past few days. Jeeeeeeez.... major guilt trip from fiestawizard.

*make sure to visit the "Starcade Diaries" link on the sidebar, and check out, for sure, the Starcade Maze clip.

Phantom Freaks and the Texas-Quebec Connection

It's been some time... it appears that nobody really gives much of a shit, which as you know is my clichè comment; start using it as your own. I have this site tracked by another site, and as it turns out, people come here from all sorts of other strange blogs. I will list them at some points and everyone can go to them an innundate them with trivia and general facts. This new development may explain why I've received one (according to the magician we call caller-ID) "Texas call" and several "Quebec call"(s). They are trying to reach me indeed. I don't know why, and I haven't been around to answer the phone which I don't believe to be a cup of coincidence. And I'm not talking a coffee cup motherfucker. Generally speaking the title of this post makes a pretty good title for my upcoming movie project. That is mine, as opposed to Dan Dewald's movie project, which he claims will begin during "spring break." I wondered then if Dan even has a spring break or if he is referring to the performers' spring breaks. In any case, he wrote it himself, and I guess Todd Bridges tried out for the lead role. Dan's movie is about being gay in a small northern town, I think. He finally realized that popular culture is the dictator of entertainment (or vice-versa), and since being gay is fairly trendy nowadays, he went with it. He was influenced by such shows as "Ellen," "Will and Grace," "Spin City," and "Blossom." I wish I knew more about the project. The website doesn't say much about the secret plot twists or what type of hats and jackets will be worn for that matter. Your services are welcome, as you will see, but according to Dan himself, "you can probably only be an extra," due to the fact that the major roles are occupied by funny and silly people that are able to perform slapstick silent comedy '20s style. Thanks a lot Mrs. Schwehr...

The College Sound

Today as I sat down to help out the young children with their arithmetic, I shook my head and decided instead to read the daily school paper. The Badger Herald mostly sucks, mostly. I ran by an article that subtly created a stir of anger within me. The article, as you guessed by the title of this post was written about some local band that's "taking advantage of the college sound." Okay. Well enough then. I hate Dave Matthews any way you spin it. Then I wondered, is the crappy current college sound similar to the crappy former college sound(s)? For example, will the music nowadays be looked down upon and ridiculed like Tommy Tutone and Billy Ocean are today? What, did you say that YOU ridiculed the mighty and great Billy Ocean? I didn't think so biscuit basket. Anyway, I have no profound philisophy to extend to you this day. I'm just trying to say that the "college" sound sucks very much now, and has never really been anything respectable. I could only imagine myself as a college student in 1981- I'd wear a fine (as in thin) mustache while I dream of oneday making out with that girl in lecture to that one song by Hall and Oates. We can only hope that the sound today dies as fast as the popularity of (especially) Oates. He was a really shit bag.

Media and the Manson Family

Press release:
"Dr. David Walsh, president and founder of the National Institute on Media and the Family, will appear on CBS' 60 Minutes as a psychological expert on Sunday, March 6, 2005. Dr. Walsh will participate in the news magazine's segment on the role of the video game series "Grand Theft Auto™" in the killing of two police officers and a dispatcher in Alabama."

B.O.R.T. isn't ready to comment on this Alabama situation -- also not willing to comment upon what he may or not have been paid in gross wages by this so-called Institute in the past. I will say, however, that it was the best job ever, and I really enjoyed the virtual hijacking, too. Thanks, NIMF, for giving me the opportunities of a lifetime! Or so. Thanks also to Diamond David Lee Roth for being an inspiration to me as I continue the ongoing battle with various diseases that I suffer from.

Now, go ahead, follow that link, up there. Link it up, boys... let's make some NoIZe!!!
-Lita Ford

Happy Fucking Birthday Dirt Mop

Remember your birthday? Yeah, it's right now. Right at this time. Enjoy it, because once you're past 50, your body is like a wet crushed box.

Social Cancer: Are You a Place Holder?

Everyone should answer this question. The question was originally formulated on the main Exploring the Realms page and the instructions were given there as well. There's not much more to say here- just answer the damn question. I don't expect any questions of clarification either like, "Well, I'd really like to answer the question, but my I just got a new coffee table and I'm having some friends over." For one thing, this isn't even a question, for the last time Keith. It's more like a semi-arrogant statement about your newest furniture item. I especially don't want people asking me what a place holder is. If it's a question to you, then explain what you think it is and I'll judge your character based on your assumptions. See ya' in hell.